


Affinity

by Aanya_Inure



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Cognitive Relapse, Disassociation, Fluff, Hinata and Izuru mentally arguing, M/M, Mention of all characters, Mild Sexual Content, Rehabilitation, Trauma, did I mention more fluff?, mention of blood and injury, weight worry, with sprinkles of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:40:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9820907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aanya_Inure/pseuds/Aanya_Inure
Summary: Hinata and Kamukura both feel it, the swell of affection. Komaeda seems to be the only individual on the island able to always tell the two apart, even while they wear the same face. The others speculate, but are never as assure in their switch as the one before them now.Hajime can feel Izuru almostpurrunder the acknowledgment. He internally rolls his eyes.Why does he call you by first name and not me, anyways?Are you jealous?Smug bastard.





	1. feel the night grow old, you were looking so cold

**Author's Note:**

> Please note:  
> -Takes place post anime with all the Ex-Despair's on the island.  
> -Izuru and Hajime in this fanfic, didn't become one person, but simply are two people in one body. (Hajime has effected Izuru though, in that Izuru has more of a personality than he did in the anime)  
> -I will try and remain as in-character as possible.  
> -More may come later. This may end up being a sort of One-shots story fic. Basically, different things happening in the same setting and universe.  
> -chapter title is taken from Owl City- Saltwater lyrics  
> -Please enjoy ^^/

Breakfast has become a sort of comforting chaos.

Every morning it's a bundle of loud chimes from Ibuki, nagging from Koizumi, a loud and quite theatrical show of Akane shoveling food into her mouth at a worrying rate, with Teruteru's out of tune happy humming as he flips the meal into a smorgasbord masterpiece.

Mikan crying is a common occurrence, with Hiyoko biting or berating the nurse throughout the entire conundrum, while Nekomaru talks loudly over all the business about inappropriate bathroom tendencies during the meal.

The rest of the cast is more muted, at least; excluding Gundam's sometimes loud mannerisms of dark magic, Sonia chirping her excitement, and Souda wailing at the injustice of it all. The Imposter remains a solid presence, always at the side of Mitarai, who's face pallid has improved from it's skeletal haunt. And the ex-gangsters remain in a comforting silence, save Kuzuryuu's possible angry outbursts towards the rest of the casts inability to be quiet.

This was the ex-Despairs' morning.

Hinata wouldn't change a thing.

Except for the often absence of-

 _He's not here again_ , he notes, biting his cheek with a frown.

 **Not surprising** , Izuru comments absently, his voice a still-somewhat-foreign presence midst the space of his own thoughts. **He does dislike noisy places after all. It's likely this atmosphere gives him a headache.**

Hinata's about to agree-

**Understandable really. This behavior is absurd.**

-and ends up rolling his eyes. Izuru, while tolerating and even protective of their friends, remains often annoyed or incredulous by the antics of them all. Hinata supposes he himself has had time to adjust into a permanent state of care and often exasperation, but the other occupying his head has yet to completely settle comfortably. 

In fact, if Hinata thinks about it, Kamukura is rather indifferent to all of his friends except-

**We should go find him.**

Hajime sighs, teeth clicking on his fork as he takes a bite of egg.

_I want to finish breakfast first._

His red eye gives a light pulse.

**Go find him.**

_...I_ just _said I want-_

**You've had plenty. And I'm bored. Let's go find him.**

Hinata resists slamming his fist on the table. God, this guy! He's either too many I-don't-care's or too much my-way-is-absolute. Rubbing his temples in frustration, the brunette stands, releasing silverware from his knuckle white grip and letting the legs of his chair scream against the hard floor, a mere mosquito buzz among the already present noise. 

It's Souda who takes notice. “Hey, where ya' going already?”

“Gonna look for Komaeda,” he mutters, his molars still pressed together and his face no doubt scrunched in reluctance. He holds no ill will in the idea of searching for Komaeda. Truly, the guy is much more tolerable now than he had been, he'd just appreciate if it was done on his _own terms._

The mechanic seems to pick up on this. “Kamukura buggin' you again? What a weirdo.” Kazuichi stretches his arms behind his head. “That guy seems to hardly want to spend time with anyone _but_ Komaeda. What's his deal?”

Hinata feels his mouth open, the pulse of his eye and the words about to leave his own mouth-

**I find him more interesting than you and the others.**

**You whine more than I can tolerate.**

\- either is about to be said when he moves to bite his own thumb, casually trying to smother the dry replies Izuru has in store to whittle at the emotionally-sensitive mechanic. He feels Kamukura's scowl.

He tries a grin around the skin and nail, probably a noticeable grimace, and shrugs with a 'who knows', then turns around and leaves the dining space before the scene can escalate. 

Izuru, predictably, speaks his irritation. **I'd prefer you let me speak and act some of the time.**

_Some of the time?! This is the fourth time this week I've had to stop you from saying something rude! You especially can't say things like that to Souda._

The talent genius scoffs, and Hinata rolls his eyes at the mental movement of the other crossing his arms.

 _You could at least apologize for trying to hurt my friends' feelings_ , he grumbles, his feet carrying him towards the cottages.

**My condolences your friend has such gaping insecurities.**

Hajime throws his hands up. 

That's as far as the conversation goes.

He knocks at Komaeda's cottage door as soon as he arrives.

No answer.

He knocks again. “Komaeda? You in there?”

Still nothing.

Hinata scratches his head. _Huh. I sorta just figured he'd be here eating toast. Should I-?_

**Check the door.**

Click. Nope. Locked.

_…Well what now?_

A niggling of worry tickles his thoughts, but he pushes it away in favor of trying optimism as he feels Izuru's contemplation merge with his own. Where else would Komaeda be? Knowing him, it'd be the last place anyone would think to look, unless for some reason-

“Hinata-kun?”

Hajime turns to the familiar face he sought, seeing the pale silhouette of Komaeda approaching, green jacket draped comfortably over a robotic arm.

“Komaeda you're-...”

 _Here_ , is the word that fails to take off from his tongue, as his heterochromic eyes flutter in surprise, arms falling tight at his sides.

“-soaking wet!”

And he is. Everything from his chest downwards is dripping with the scent of saltwater. Looking closer, Hinata notices the goosebumps running along the pale plains of those arms, and the quiet clicking of teeth chatter as a passive, if somewhat strained, smile is sent his way.

“Ah. How very observant of you Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says, the words sharper than the expression that accompanies them, though a common occurrence around the Lucky student.

Ignoring the bland sarcasm, Hinata moves aside from the cottage door as his friend steps to it. “What happened?!”

Komaeda shifts his jacket in his hands, wringing out the small amount of ocean he's carried. “Well you see, I wasn't sleeping well and took a walk along the beach last night. The stars reflecting in the sea is a beautiful sight, after all.”

A stray white tress is blown out of pale green eyes. “I had lain my jacket on the beach, but the tide unexpectedly came out and carried it across the water. It turns out that one of the rock formations has a big enough crevice to just fit through, and is actually a small cave inside. My coat had been carried by the currents into that tiny cove, and when I went to retrieve it, the tide came once more and I was stuck inside for the rest of the night. I only just got out of it a bit ago.”

Hinata frowns as Komaeda tries the handle of the door, finding it locked and tilting his head as he casually continues his story. “It's a good thing the water only filled the cave up to my chest otherwise I would have drowned.”

The words come out so casual, as though the prospect of his close call was a topic to wave off, that the brunette is reminded of just how little worth his friend sees in himself. He may no longer have a constant stream of self-insults leaving his mouth, but that didn't mean he's cured in his confidence. 

Emotions blow through him like a whirlwind. Some his own, some Izuru's, and others both. He has many things he could and wants to say, but none leave his mouth before his counterpart is nudging at him once again.

**Hajime, ask questions later. He could get seriously sick. He needs a warm bath.**

Olive and red eyes trace the light quiver coming over the entirety of his friend, and his worry flares violently. _Right._

“Komaeda, you're going to get sick,” he starts, stepping forward. “Get in a warm bath, I'll pull some clothes for you, and then you're in bed for the rest of the day. I'll ask Tsumiki to come check up on you as well.”

Nagito shakes his head absently as he digs the pockets of his jackets. “That's not necessary, Hinata-kun, I can take care of myself. Ah, though my key seems to have fallen out of my pocket...must be in the ocean somewhere now.”

Ah. Sometimes Hinata forgets how much this guy makes him want to _pull his own hair out._

**Let's not. You already keep it dreadfully short and pointlessly spiked as it is.**

Not now, _Izuru._

**I agree. Focus on Nagito.**

After a moment of contemplation, the male in question seems to decide on something and without a word, slams a metal fist down on the handle, effectively breaking the lock.

“There.”

Hinata blinks. _Well I guess that works._

Komaeda opens the door and smiles, turning to the other. “I'll be just fine. Thanks for checking up on me though.”

Before the sly albino can slip through his door and away, Izuru enters the cottage uninvited, closing the door behind him.

“I wasn't asking. I'm going to make sure you're okay.”

Komaeda bodily ignores him, draping his coat over a chair and clipping off his chain to set on a stray dresser. “Izuru-kun, I appreciate the concern, but it's truly unneeded.”

**_There it is again._ **

Hinata and Kamukura both feel it, the swell of affection. Komaeda seems to be the only individual on the island able to always tell the two apart, even while they wear the same face. The others speculate, but are never as assure in their switch as the one before them now.

Hajime can feel Izuru almost _purr_ under the acknowledgment. He internally rolls his eyes.

 _Why does he call_ you _by first name and not me, anyways?_

**Are you jealous?**

Smug bastard.

_As if!_

“-back to breakfast with the others.”

Hinata jolts, missing the majority of what's said and is too slow to respond when the bathroom door is closed behind a disappearing silhouette and the lock clicks into place.

He frowns, biting his lip.

_Is it really okay just to leave him like this?_

**Of course not. Find some warm clothes and put them outside the bathroom door. We can head back to the kitchen and bring back a beneficial breakfast on a tray. And I intend to stay with him the rest of the day.**

Hinata tongues his cheek. _I agree on most of that, but...all day? Don't we have other things to do? I mean I'm concerned too but if he's just resting..._

And that's when he feels it. The swarm of protectiveness washes over him like a torrent. Guilt. A fierce sense of duty; and the tingle of carefully concealed devotion.

_...Izuru...you-_

**I should have been there.**

Hajime winces at the fervent snap of words flooding his head.

**My luck can cancel out his, but left alone, his luck will wreak havoc and burden him once more. I will not allow him to live in that fear any longer. I should have been there last night to prevent this.**

A moment of silence. Hinata blinks at the impossible development playing out before him. Izuru...he...

“I see...”

The brunette exits the cottage, closing the door behind him quietly, and makes his way up the path back towards the rest of the islanders. 

_

By the time he's back, stopping at the threshold of the cottage and balancing a tray of breakfast in his arms, Komaeda is a lump of blankets on the bed.

There's no heavy snore or congested rumble, only the hum of the small corner fan and the light breath rising and falling from pale lips.

Placing the tray on the first flat surface found, Hinata hums lightly, scratching his head. _Guess he's already asleep._

**Incorrect.**

_...Huh?_

**He's pretending.**

_What? How can you tell that? And why would he be?_

**His breathing pattern is just the slightest unsteady. As for why, it is likely he predicted our return and is trying to avoid the encounter.**

Hearing this, he frowns. _Why would he not want to talk to us?_

**It is possible he has guessed my own thoughts in that I intend to stay near him to subdue his luck. In turn, this might be his way of giving us an out so that we may leave. Or perhaps that's his desire. To be left alone.**

_You don't sound sure_. Hinata raises his brows, surprised.

**Nagito Komaeda is a complex character. I have had few times in which I have been one-hundred percent certain of his thought process.**

The other occupant can't help but notice the veiled affinity in Kamukura's words. He gulps his suspicions for another day, however, and instead notes on his happiness that the talented individual sharing his body has begun to appreciate his friends.

**Unlike most of your other friends. Fanatic simpletons.**

Hajime rolls his eyes. Nevermind.

Picking up the tray once more, they carry it to the bedside table, shifting a small crooked lamp from it's center to make room. They move slowly, careful not to clatter the silverware despite the suspicions of false-sleep. 

Hinata turns to leave, planning to let Tsumiki know to stop by Komaeda's cottage, and find a good book to bury his nose in while he sits at his friend's side for the day. Perhaps he'll grab a cushion for the chair while he's at it.

Before his body can get momentum however, Izuru stops with his knees to the bed.

_...what're you doing?_

Hajime goes ignored, as the Ultimate talent quietly observes a delicate face, and without hesitance, reaches forward, sliding across a soft cheek before brushing back a piece of cotton hair.

_...Izuru! Wha-?!_

“Rest well, Nagito.”

Taking his hand away, Kamukura pivots and leaves the cottage, setting out for the Ultimate nurse as planned. 

Hinata swallows hard, one hundred scolds at the ready all falling into a pit in his stomach. He stays silent.

He's not sure it's his place.  
_


	2. into the sea inside of me, to find another soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **He's by the ocean by himself again? What is the fool thinking? Hajime.**  
>     
>  _I don't understand what's-_
> 
> And then it clicks, and his eyes dilate.
> 
> _Dammit Komaeda! You idiot, you better be alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I just have to say, the last chapter had such a warm reception I was basically blushing into my pillow. Thank you all so much x3 Anyways, I'll keep dabbling with this story then. I hope I can live up to everyone's expectations! I have a few other ideas I'll be thinking of if this chapter goes as well as the last. Thanks again for all Kudos, Comments, etc. Have a good read, I hope!
> 
> -  
> Chapter title is lyrics taken from Deas Veil - Shoreline  
> -

Strides of purpose carry them fast and far.

They're all the way on the third island with Nekomaru when the news reaches them through a stray conversation. Sonia and Akane pass by, and a simple sentence upsets his balance. 

“I'm happy Komaeda-san is feeling better! Though I do hope he's careful down by the ocean after just getting over being ill. Oh! And the other day Tanaka-”

Hinata is slow on the registration, but Izuru immediately reels. The sudden cascade of frantic emotions has the former frowning.

_Izuru, what-_

**He's by the ocean by himself again? What is the fool thinking? Hajime.**

_I don't understand what's-_

And then it clicks, and his eyes dilate.

_Dammit Komaeda! You idiot, you better be alright._

He jolts where he stands, turning to his muscular friend and shooting off a quick apology and a signal of distress that he must attend to. Nidai gives him a steady slap on the back, almost sending his body toppling over from the force.

“Don't worry about it Hinata! Everyone has to take a big one every so often! And when nature calls, you don't ignore it!” He roars a laugh.

Hinata scratches his head, deciding to roll with the topic as an easy out, feeling Izuru resist incredulity.

**...**

_That's...just how he is._

**Whatever. Let's go.**

They take off towards the first islands shore, Kamukura letting his dubiety fade to replace it with the urgency that is Komaeda. What starts as a brisk walk turns into a canter, and they shoulder past Teruteru when rounding a corner, Izuru surging onward as Hinata quickly shoots back an apology.

Hajime chews his cheek.

_Izuru, I know we're in a hurry but please-_

**Apologies can come later. Nagito might be in danger, and that cannot wait.**

Halfway through second island. They dodge another collision from Peko and Kuzuryuu, the former-student waving a brisk greeting as they pass.

 _Don't worry_ , Hinata tries; _he could be just fine. For all we know, he'll just be sitting there collecting seashells._

His counterpart frowns. **Do not try to abate my own concerns when you are just as worried. I can feel your anxiety as much as my own.**

A sigh- first island finally-and then; _Just trying to help_ , he protests lightly, feeling his brow crease. Kamukura quickens their pace once more.

**I will be appeased when I know he is safe. Faster.**

With no complaint they set forward until finally coming to the horizon, coming to an abrupt stop at the sand shores. Immediately, their eyes comb the earth. A broken record, a mantra of; _ **where is he, where is he, where is he, where is he, where is-**_

Hinata audibly gasps, “what the...” Izuru widens his eyes.

**I...did not...expect this.**

The thought is placed with a soft sort of reverence that stirs Hinata happily for his partner. Izuru Kamukura didn't see this coming. A soft tingle of satisfaction settles quietly in their chest as the brunette smiles.

Well in all fairness, he didn't either. 

Komaeda is indeed in the ocean, but instead of in any disarray as they both have feared, he stands up to his waist and smiles as graceful creatures swarm him in a friendly frenzy. Bottle-nose dolphins chirp happily as they circle the human, one reared before him and pushing up into pale hands. Nagito laughs lightly, his large pale eyes crinkle cutely as he leans forward and the dolphin touches him nose to nose.

Another gusty chuckle, as a smaller one bumps into his hip in search of attention, and the albino has to catch his balance in the waves. He turns to divide his care equally among them all, receiving happy chatter in reply. 

“My, impatient aren't we?” he softly chides the water-mammal. In response, a spew of water hits his face and he ducks behind his hands, smiling wide. “Hey now!” a short giggle as he splashes back. “How do you like it?”

A chorus of chirrups sing out as Komaeda pushes back the wet ends of his hair. 

Hinata finally remembers to breathe.

The sunset shimmers a halo across the waters, and the softest shades of light cascade across the scene in a way water colors could never commit to canvas. A faint prayer is sent to the sky, as he hopes the next time he encounters a dream, it's not of the bloody past, but of this moment right then.

Izuru is silent in his thoughts but his emotions hang heavy next to Hinata's own.

They stay silent and watch.

“Ah, I suppose it's time you head out, huh,” Komaeda tells the pod, stroking the dorsal fin of another affectionately. The largest seems to be bidding the others away, so the lucky student tenderly tells them farewell. “Stay safe~.”

He stays still as they go, the dolphins sending back their own parting intonation as they swim further away, until the entire group has cleared out, leaving Komaeda once again standing in his clothes midst the salty water and sea breeze.

After several moments, once the echoes are too far to hear, he turns, wading back to shore till his ankles are only just submerged. His eyes lifts to see the multicolored stare trained on him with a soft sort of intensity, and he stops where he is.

Hinata doesn't know what to say. Words coat his throat but none come out, so Izuru steps forward. 

“I came quickly when I heard you were by the ocean alone again. I feared something bad would happen.”

Nagito blinks, biting his lip but staying his gaze. “Ah, thanks for the concern but there was no need, you see.” He offers a hapless shrug, a small twitch of lips. “The cycle always comes full circle. I was lucky to run into a pod of dolphins and spend time with them. Just as I was unlucky to lose my coat and get stuck in a cave several days ago.”

Komaeda carries himself to dry shore, once again wringing sea water from his shirt, offering a tilted smile. “Though I do seem to be in the habit of getting my clothes wet.”

“Indeed,” Kamukura agrees, amusement softening his features. Hinata's stare darts down to the flat plain of stomach set between two hipbones as the other continues squeezing water from his shirt. With a light flush, he pulls his eyes away and clears his throat.

“I'm glad you're okay, but you should be more careful! Sheesh, how careless can you be?” Hajime starts, finding the light chide more familiar than the ample palpitations in his chest. “I was worried something horrible was going to happen. I told you to stay away from dangerous places unless I was around, didn't I?”

Komaeda glances at him from the corner of his cat eyes and sighs. “I know. But babysitting me would be a pain, so I'm trying to keep my luck as isolated to myself as much as possible so you won't have to worry.” The boy tries a smile, lips tight.

Hinata mentally balks at the implication, his processing slower than his counterpart, Izuru, who attests instantly.

“Nagito,” he frowns, “I'm staying close to protect you from your own luck. I do not do this out of obligation, nor just for the sake of the others.” He states ardently, trying to press the words into the pale skull and transform it into belief.

Komaeda blinks, trying to stunt his full shock. “That's odd. Why...what for? If it's just me, I've lived with my luck all my life, I don't think you need-”

“I will protect you.”

Gravity presses at each of their shoulders, the air becoming still with but the ocean waves churning behind them.

Kamukura stands tall, his chin angled high. “Do not doubt me.”

In the ringing silence, Hinata himself absorbs the emotions Izuru is flooding them with. The vigilance swarms his chest and concaves his ribs to press at his heart beat. He feels himself stand tall with his other at that moment. He's not as confident, nor capable as the second person abiding this body. He's sure he himself is not even brave enough to say such embarrassing things; but he lets himself fall unto that courage. This body is his as much as Izuru's, and they together could perform this promise.

Komaeda's right arm crosses behind his back to hold the bend of his left elbow, his facial features thaw like spring, long lashes and lids shadow in the eve light. The tension around the cut of his effeminate jaw diminishes and his gaze dips off to the side.

“Izuru-kun, you really say such perplexing things.”

“Believe in us.” Hinata blurts with less tact than he'd have liked, but his shoulders keep straight, even as a bit of color tints his cheeks. _God, how Disney can I get?_

“You too, huh Hinata-kun?” Nagito huffs a laugh, giving a shake of his head and looking them in the eye. “Well...at your insistence I'm starting to see that you're serious, but...” 

**He believes his luck to be stronger** , Izuru notes, **to have no way of being controlled. A justified belief, considering his past.**

 _I see_ , Hinata bites his cheek, a nervous tic. _We'll just have to prove him wrong. Think we can do it, Izuru?_

**I-**

“Both of you...” Komaeda suddenly speaks up, reaching into his pocket. Hinata and Izuru blink in surprise as he pulls out a closed fist and reaches towards them, beckoning their hand forward and gently pressing a shell into their palm. He smiles, small but genuinely, and the authenticity has him glowing; unawares of the effective tugged heartstrings and empty lungs. “Thanks.”

His sandy footsteps away are distant as Hinata catches his breath to study the onyx husk in his hand, running a finger along a jagged zipper cut. _A seashell? This is pretty neat._

**...I believe this is Sphaerocypraea Incomparabilis. It was Scientifically stated to be arguably one of the rarest shells in the world, before the world ended, that is.**

…

 _You've got to be kidding me. His luck is...frightening_. Hinata's hand clamps over the treasure, biting his lip.

**Indeed. But I have luck as well. We can negate it.**

_...Alright. I'm counting on you then, Izuru._

**Likewise.**

Hajime smiles, lifting his gaze towards the sunset at a stray gull cry. Izuru settles comfortably as well, and a swell of peaceful appreciation fills them warmly.

…

…

_By the way, you some sort of shell expert too? Seems like a silly talent._

**Hmph. I'll have you know-**


	3. we're slipping off the course that we prepared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Tch! This guy...never thought he could be obnoxiously charming like this..._
> 
> **Perhaps that is something you have in common.**
> 
> _Oi!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but this is the best I can do for now >~>' I was going to write some angst this chapter, but nope. Turned into fluff again. I'll try again next chapter. Thanks for all the support everyone. I've read and reread all of your comments and I'm so grateful for your kind words. ^^
> 
> Title from the song Glory and Gore by Lorde.  
> Quote at the beginning from the book Solaris by Stanislaw Lem.

_“I turned and left. As I opened the door-”_

Flicker.

_“...as I opened the door I looked at him one more time. He sat with-”_

Glance.

_“-his face in his hands, small, shrunken, in stained pants. It was-”_

Glimpse.

Hinata gives defeat, quietly closing to the cover. _Okay, I give up. I can't read this book if you keep looking away, you know_ , he grouses, scratching at his forehead.

Izuru doesn't respond immediately, though a faint apology surfaces in the corner of their thought space before the silence in his head speaks of contemplation.

It irks Hinata that Izuru can keep things from him, while he himself is an open book to the ultimate. It's due to Izuru's domineering amount of mental strength, despite equally sharing the body, his thought-control remains leagues ahead of Hinata's own.

He crooks his jaw to the left, frowning. _Do you want to read something else or are you just bored?_

An errant concern of his, really. Izuru growing bored and letting the need for chaos gnaw at their marrow until the eruption would blow them all clean off the island, and he would be trapped to bear witness as his own body paved destruction.

 **I'm fine** , comes softly, and Hajime feels guilt swell at his chest, knowing his counterpart sensed his growing ire and knew full well of his flagrant fear. He has an apology at the ready when Kamukura's voice echoes again. **I'm just... observing.**

Hinata crooks his brow. _Observing?_

In a light motion, his jaw lifts and his varicolored eyes land on the occupant of the seat across from his own. 

_Oh..._

The library on the island isn't as musty, nor hold as much vestige as the libraries he remembers before Enoshima's aftermath; but the high windows still serve to stream in sun beams at mirror angles, and the scent of worn leather is still supple on his nose.

And it softens the edges in Komaeda's entirety.

Truly, he seems most at ease among books than crowded bodies. It's the first place to look for him, if not in his cottage, than Komaeda can usually be found at the library, nose bound to a book.

An endearing trait, Hinata won't admit.

Not that he has to, with Kamukura around to crash any head-privacy.

Still, his eyes stroke over the image before him like a painter on a blank canvas. While he's absent of the sight of sage green eyes, he's rewarded in the crescent curve of long lashes, and the lack of astriction covering Komaeda like a second skin.

The only thing serving to destroy the scene is the revelation of just how at ease Nagito is presently compared to...anytime else.

It's a dampening thought. One that drops his gaze to watch his fingers fiddle.

_I wish he'd be like this all the time. So relaxed and at peace. It's been almost nine months since we've come to the island, and while I didn't expect a quick fix, he's still so...distant._

Untouchable, is the word that comes to mind. Still out of reach no matter how hard Hinata stretches the length of his arm. Like Komaeda sits just beyond his fingertips; the feeling is frustrating to an oppressive degree.

 **Nine months is nothing to a lifetime of solitude** , Izuru remarks, and that truth holds heavy over their head. Hinata feels him about to say more, but the train of thought comes to a halt. 

Komaeda gently closes his book, rubbing a fist in his eye and giving a cat's yawn. Exhaling excessive air, he looks across the table and smiles lightly. “I'm surprised you're still here. I figured you'd have gotten bored and left over an hour ago.”

Kamukura clicks his tongue. “On the contrary, I'm quite content.”

There's a light hum. The sound carries an inciting lilt. “Hm? Is that so?” he goads. Leisurely, the luckster stands, stretching muscles languidly and giving the material of his shirt an inch of rise over his hips. Hinata briefly let's himself appreciate the variant clothes Komaeda wears; forest green top with gray wash jeans, compared to the usual long cut of his heavy coat.

“I suppose that's why you've read a total of thirteen pages, right?” Nagito says with a tilted smile.

Hajime glances down begrudgingly at the book he's all but abandoned. His tongue presses to his cheek, a silent defeat.

Komaeda wears his victory in a silent, small smile, gathering a few books and circling around towards one of the shelves, he begins sorting them back into place, meanwhile collecting a couple more.

All is silent until the albino sighs. “It's sad to think of how many stories were lost in the tragedy.”

Hinata and Izuru give the other a curious glance.

“All those books that were destroyed,” lean, pale fingers carom the binders of books, a solemn light in his eyes. “It's really a shame.”

Izuru turns, watching the other inquisitively. “What of the lives of the authors? That they'll write no more, is that not more tragic?”

Komaeda bites his lower lip, weighing his response. “Death is certain. Human mortality is inevitable. That's why things like books are precious.” He fingers a delicate gold carve of a title gently. “Stories are meant to last long after the author has passed away. They're like an imprint the author left behind in the world. Something that proves their existence. A well-told tale can carry the value of a life lived many years ago.”

Nagito pauses, pulling a book lose and caressing it's cover. “That's why, to think there are some books that have lost every copy ever made is a very sad thought.”

There's a stretched moment of silence, his words fueling thought.

“I cannot surmise whether you are optimistic or pessimistic,” Izuru admits suddenly.

Komaeda turns, blinking back at the other curiously. “Huh?”

“You are either inappropriately optimistic in the face of chaos, optimistic in the sense that you are positive something will go wrong, or completely pessimistic in your thought process of yourself and how others find you,” Izuru tells him. His lips curl at the corners, as though the complexity of his character is charming. “Remarkable.”

White brows disappear behind bangs, as Komaeda swallows the conversation carefully. Not knowing how to face the shimmer of that kaleidoscope gaze, he turns back to the row of books, steadily reaching for a higher book when a light bump of his chest against the shelf sends a domino effect across the ledges.

He braces himself as a pile of books topple towards him.

Izuru and Hinata start at the same time, the former faster than the other, and in just the nick of time, push him down with just enough strength to send Komaeda falling away from the onslaught, but light enough that the albino's able to catch himself by the inside of his palms.

Kamukura's body falls over Komaeda's own, the books hitting his back as any balance the latter had on his wrists collapses as he flattens to the floor, his friend tipping over him.

A stray book falls off Izuru's back as he stays still, bodily caging Komaeda. 

“Are you okay?”

Nagito's eyes flutter, “y-yes, I'm fine.” His brows furrow, “are you?”

Hinata does a mental register for any signs of injury. Outside of the residual impact of sharp leather corners, only a light muscle throb bothers his back. Though his head stings a bit from that one red book...

“I am well, I believe,” Izuru assures, and he and Hinata both ready to stand when a narrow hand reaches, curling around the back of their head. Komaeda gently kneads over the skin of their scalp, searching for sign of injury.

Pale fingers weave gently through brown hair, frowning lightly. “That was a silly thing to do,” he chides, lifting his other hand to feel the left side as well. His frown creases further upon finding a swell of skin.

Izuru discreetly leans into the touch, eyes shining. “I said I'd protect you.”

“Also,” Hinata adds cheekily, “I think this is the part where you say 'thank you'.”

Komaeda sighs, and gives a sudden flick to the new wound.

“Ow! Hey-!”

“Thank you.”

Hinata gapes down at the other. Gray eyes shimmer back up at him, blithe and baiting. He slowly sits backwards on his knees. Komaeda sits up, body following, and they both begin picking up the fallen books.

_Tch! This guy...never thought he could be obnoxiously charming like this..._

**Perhaps that is something you have in common.**

_Oi!_

“Also,” Nagito continues, “I think this is the part where you say 'you're welcome'.”

And with what could be called an effeminate flourish, Komaeda turns and stands, placing his handful of books on the table and leaving Hinata stone still with a hand outstretched towards a stray book, the weight of a palm still impressed to his head in memory.

He grabs the book, scowling as his cheeks bloom pink.

It worsens when he looks down at the title of the book he's holding: _Becoming a Young Adult; the guide of Heart and Hormones._

_Oh, screw you too universe._


	4. some kind of beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Komaeda rests his towel to his neck, facing them with false tipped up lips. “Hm?”
> 
> Izuru scans him openly. “You seem troubled. I'm inquiring as to why.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first! The responses to this story are so heart warming. Thank you guys so much <3 I might need to start responding to the comments cause I'm touched by each and every one of them so much.
> 
> Secondly, lemme just complain how HARD these characters are to write! O_O Komaeda is so complex as it is. In canon; one moment he's super friendly, the next he's snarky, the next he's flirty, the next he's crazy, etc etc. One moment he's got the crappiest self esteem ever, and the next he's telling you to bow down and lick his shoe. Like whaaa? xD And Hinata is like this super salty "i'm done with this shiz" guy who's also really accepting of people at the same time? And Kamukura is very undeveloped. He's emotionless outside of a few moments, mostly just bored of the world. But when he's combined with Hinata he's super determined and straightforward? I dun even know anymore.
> 
> So I'm trying to keep them in character in this universe. I hope I'm doing okay X.X
> 
> Anyways, I meant for this chapter to be angsty. And I thought of a couple scenarios, but this one popped into mind and I decided to do this one first.
> 
> Also, I'm currently on a vacation in New Zealand so I didn't even plan to be on here at all, but my insomnia's been bad so I'm just writing while I can't sleep. Woohoo~ xD

“Aw, come on! Keep up Kokoberry!”

A wheeze. “Koko-” heavy inhale, “-what?”

Akane laughs as her sprint skids into a halt, sneakers spraying gravel as she sticks a firm landing and puts fists to her hips. “Whew! That was a good one! Amiright? Man, I'd go for another lap if I wasn't so hungry!”

Komaeda pulls up to an unsteady halt at her side, hands going to his knees, throat tight around every breath. He'd respond, but he has nothing to respond with except silent incredulity, and his lungs would feed him no words had he had some anyways.

Hinata watches the scene in part concern and the other part amusement. Izuru's feelings hum alongside his own. He bites his lip to abate a smile. 

The luckster finally pulls his torso upward, still breathing heavy as his ribs anguish on the exhales. His hair lays a mess on his head, strands sticking to the back of his neck and sweat dotted forehead. Izuru approaches with a water bottle and dry cloth, taking pity on the poor sight.

Hajime offers a smile, encouraging. “Good job, Komaeda. You did really well.”

Komaeda offers a tense upturn of lips before taking desperate sips from the proffered bottle, letting the coolness coat his throat. He swallows it down gratefully and leaves the cap loose for the next swig. “Thanks, Hinata-kun,” he breathes, about to take the cloth when Izuru beats him to it.

He steps closer, and despite Hinata's internal flash of alarm, Kamukura begins dabbing the damp skin from their friend, Komaeda blinking at him in suppressed startle.

“I understand this is not your preferred pass time,” he begins, eyes following his hands as they travel across the pale plains of the others face. “-but I applaud your willingness in pulling through. This is for the best, I believe, to assure your state of health.”

Nagito opens his mouth to respond, but any air he's managed to catch is forcibly removed from his body in a hard thump on his back.

“Lucky-boy here did great! Well, better than throwing up or passing out like when we first started out,” Akane cheerfully states, a chortle in her words as she recalls the embarrassing events several months prior. “But were Old Man Nidai here right now, I bet you'd done him proud!”

Komaeda huffs, and Izuru notices the glint of unease that passes his eyes under all the positive attention. He leaves it for another time.

Hinata smiles upon the recollection of the scrawny albino's first session. A bad memory turned fond, these days. It's simply how it goes sometimes. “That's for sure.” Now at the forefront of his body, he pulls away from Komaeda, hyper aware of Kamukura's placement. 

Nagito sighs, taking another gulp of water before screwing the cap tight and silently mourning the soreness of his muscles. “I'm going to go take a shower.”

“Sure thing! I'll be takin' one myself right after breakfast,” Akane chirps. “I'll try and leave ya some, but you know what Teruteru's cooking can do to me.”

Komaeda offers a small smile. “Don't worry about it. I'm not that hungry anyways.”

The gymnast's smiling features turn stern. “No can do! The Old Man and Mikan said you're to eat every meal!”

“She's right,” Hinata agrees. This is a conversation they've had before since the start of everyone's recovery; and Komaeda especially has a regime to be strictly followed.

The frown comes unbidden, as it always does upon thinking of Komaeda's health. His friend has been cured of most of the illnesses plaguing his body, but his overall entirety still has a long way to go. Pallor still pale, immunity still weak, and this is excluding the cognitive category. The improvements over the months have been incredible, but it did little to ease the ache of worry he felt.

Izuru speaks up. “I will head to the cafeteria as well. If you do not make it there before breakfast ends, I will bring a tray to your cottage and expect you to eat it.”

Komaeda makes a step to leave, glancing sideways at him. “...Alright.” He closes his eyes, the edges of his lips falling soft. “Thank you, Izuru-kun.”

Kamukura watches him leave, until a light tug on his sleeve pulls Hinata back to the forefront to fall into step with a chattering gymnast. The two head towards the other island.

_

Hinata stops before the door, chewing the skin of his lip. 

_I hope he eats more than just the toast._

Feeling the tray in his hands teeter under the uneven weight, he raises his knee to balance it, moving the glass of apple juice to center with the plate for better distribution. 

Izuru hums in assent. **Indeed. We should stay while he eats to monitor his intake.**

 _I don't know about that_ , Hajime furrows his brow. _We're not his babysitters. And if we hover, he's going to notice. Even if we were to make an excuse to stick around, he'd know what we're up to._

His counterpart contends. **I do not intend to linger for prying purposes. I wish to remain nearby for my own interests.**

Hinata clutches the tray closer, listening for running water should his friend still be in the shower. He contemplates Izuru's words. _Still...he might take it as we don't trust him. And what do you mean your own interests?_

**Enough idle. Knock.**

Hajime frowns, rolling his eyes. _Right away, you're highness._

Before Kamukura can make comment on the snide remark, Hinata gives a hesitant drum on the door.

“Komaeda? It's Hinata.”

A muffled sound comes from inside. He waits a moment.

“...”

“Um...I have your breakfast. You have to eat, remember?” 

Still no response. 

Eyebrows crease inward.

_Why isn't he answering?_

Izuru remains silent, a quiet admittance that he doesn't know the answer, Hinata's learned. Nearby, a seagull chatters loudly.

Kamukura's patience wanes.

“Nagito.”

Finally, a response; “Oh, come in Izuru-kun!”

They reach for the door, as Hinata glares. _Oh sure, he answers to you._

**Don't be petty.**

_You-_

With the swing of the door, a sudden scent of green tea and lemongrass wafts to their nose with the sight of Komaeda, an awkward smile on his lips as he turns to them from nearby a birch dresser. A soft shirt now settled on his shoulders, and hair dotted in shower droplets, his image reveals his common black jeans hugging his hips, unbuttoned and unzipped. A brand name band shows between the flap, as the luckster scratches his head. 

Hinata swallows.

_Oh._

“Ah, I apologize for my...unseemly state. Feel free to put the tray down and leave.” Komaeda turns away, offering only the expanse of his back as he ruffles a towel over his head.

An absent nod, unnoticed by the other, Hinata makes precise movements in setting the tray down, removing the cover, and arranging the silverware. Forcibly stopping the fidget of his hands, he withdraws.

A sideways glance tells him Komaeda's still turned away. A huff tells him somethings wrong.

Still, he's obviously been dismissed, so...

As Hajime pivots, his plan to make a hasty retreat is disrupted by the planting of his heels to the floor. 

_Izuru, what-_

“Is everything alright?”

An internal sound of frustration, Hinata concedes the other taking control. Not without a mental grumble for good measure.

Komaeda rests his towel to his neck, facing them with false tipped up lips. “Hm?”

Izuru scans him openly. “You seem troubled. I'm inquiring as to why.”

Nagito's arms give a light twitch, forcibly keeping them at his side and not crossed on the defensive, aware of the telling posture. His eyes flicker from the intense color of a red eye and to the side, lips parting in a sigh. He'd momentarily lapsed on just who he's dealing with. The talent genius no doubt already observed his cautious movement.

Izuru, eyes tracing the contemplation on a pale face, does indeed. He privately praises the luckter's careful gestures. Were he any other, he'd no doubt have glossed over the vigilance. 

Hinata, all the while, feels as though he's on-looking a silent battle of wits.

Another sigh, as Komaeda acquiesces. “It's silly really but,” a lip slips between teeth, reluctant to continue. “I seem to have gained weight.”

A blink.

 _Huh?_ A blurt of 'what on earth do you mean' on their lips is fully smothered by Izuru. Hinata internally reels back, equal parts annoyed and grateful.

“See, I can't,” Nagito makes a vague gesture to his zipper, looking away tersely, “-button my jeans.”

A moment of silence stirs unease, Hinata crunching on the information and Komaeda weary under the attention.

Until; “Nagito.”

The name is said softly, a light chide and a myriad of affection swelling in the sound. Izuru approaches sprucely.

Smoothly, he plucks the towel that rests around the others neck, setting it on the cloud of hair. He presses the cloth to damp hair, an undisclosed glint in his eyes. “You need not fear that you're gaining weight.”

A stunned gray stares back at him, coaxing a small tilt to his mouth. Kamukura meets that gaze. “To put it bluntly; you are not getting fat.”

Bravely, his hands drift to the dip of sallow hips. His grip comes slow, sensitive to Komaeda's aversion of touch. He feels the muscles tense under his palm, and let loose on the pressure to remain in a hover above the skin, enabling an easy push off should the touch become intolerable.

“Your body has gained muscle. The progression of your physical rehabilitation has benefited you greatly,” his voice comes out low, careful. Lightly, his thumb moves upward in a caress, gaze tracking his journey. “Your ribs are no longer sticking out as sickly as they had been. And for that...” He looks up, stare certain, “I'm very glad.”

The cottage stays still in the silence, the slant of green-gray eyes wide and on the edge of incredulity. 

Hinata's ears ring, alert to every detail; the smell of shampoo, the seagull still wailing in the distance, the proximity of a very pretty face. He's frozen in fear of the next moment, unsure to Kamukura's boldness and aware of Komaeda's quiet countenance. 

He feels Izuru's assured emotions, and is caught off guard by the warmth emitting his counterpart's conscience.

So transfixed in his confusion, he flinches upon Komaeda's rasp of calm laughter, glad Kamukura governs their body then.

Gradually, the tensity fades Komaeda's body. His gaze staggers sideways, before planting unyielding upon their own eyes. “I was going to suggest you're saying that just to make me feel better, but that's more likely something Hinata-kun would do.”

The other startles to life. “Wha- hey!”

Nagito gleams in amusement. “No need to be defensive Hinata-kun. It's a favorable trait to have. I'm sure all the others appreciate your sensitivity.” He tilts his head, eyes shining fond. “You and Izuru-kun balance each other out well.”

Unsure on how to respond, Hinata tongues his cheek and looks away, a habit in flustered-defeat.

“And Izuru-kun,” Komaeda withdraws from the hands that hold him lightly, his expression a reassurance to his complacency. “Thank you. I seem to be falling further into your debt. Though I'm not sure I'll ever understand how you put up with my silly insecurities, or how I'll ever repay your and Hinata-kun's patience.”

Simultaneously, Hajime and Kamukura flare in determination, both intolerant to their friends' self-deprecation. Hinata readies a reprimanding, while Izuru yearns to prove each belittlement wrong. 

Before either can escape them, Nagito cleverly dodges the lecture by turning about. “I suppose a change of pants and some breakfast is in order,” he taps his lips in thought, walking over to observe the plate of food. 

Still astute in his mission to keep the others luck under control, Izuru gracefully seats himself upon the edge of the bed. “I would like to join you, if I may.”

_...we just ate though._

**I simply intend to stay near. Eating isn't obligated so long as my presence preserves his luck.**

_Good. Cause I'm full._

Komaeda turns, brows raised before his lips tilt coy as he looks away to hide the expression. “Join me? For the changing or the breakfast?”

Hinata chokes. “B-breakfast of course!” Swiftly snatching up a piece of toast, he shoves the entirety of it in his mouth to hide his bashful cheeks and prove his point.

**Hm. I thought you weren't hungry.**

_Oh shut up. ___

__

__

__*_ _


	5. did i wreck this broken home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _...Okay_
> 
>  
> 
> _I'm starting to get the feeling..._
> 
>  
> 
> His friend glances away, one hand tugging at his hair in a nervous tic. 
> 
>  
> 
> _-that something might be wro-_
> 
>  
> 
> “It's Komaeda.”
> 
> Hinata's heart drops to his stomach, and he feels in his mind that Izuru has flared awake.

His immediate response is to be petulant.

The clock taunts him in a bold four-thirty in the morning, and the banging at his cottage door is only getting louder.

“Hajime! Wake up!”

Hinata's eye twitches.

Grumbling colorful cuss words under his breath, Hinata pulls a cotton shirt over his head, too tired to put pants over his boxers for whoever is outside his door. _Their own fault_ , he decides.

Swinging the door open with telling force, he's unsatisfied when Souda doesn't flinch away from his glare like usual. Seeing it's the mechanic however, irritates him further.

“Souda, if this is about _another_ nightmare of Sonia being a princess in a tower, and you can't save her cause a _giant hamster_ is guarding her, I am going to _throw_ you into the ocean and go back to sleep.”

Kazuichi's face remains surprisingly unoffended. He shakes his head. “It's not that...”

_...Okay_

_I'm starting to get the feeling..._

His friend glances away, one hand tugging at his hair in a nervous tic. 

_-that something might be wro-_

“It's Komaeda.”

Hinata's heart drops to his stomach, and he feels in his mind that Izuru has flared awake.

_

They reach the cottage in no time, Souda huffing and puffing behind him as he tries to keep up with Hinata and Izuru's desperate strides. Izuru has complete control over their legs, and Hinata has no inclination to slow him down this time.

He has a stray thought that he has clocked more Komaeda-miles than he's ever run in his life.

“T-they said not to bother you, but I-” heavy inhale, “but I thought y-you'd be mad if we didn't. And,” huff, “And- _freakin' hate running_ \- and I thought you'd know w-what to do best, ya know?” Souda tries a short explanation through heavy lungs.

Hajime makes a mental note to heavily thank the mechanic at a less pressing time. 

Any other mental processes come to a dead halt when they reach the already open door of the cottage and hear chaos inside.

Hinata's veins turn into ice; that laughter. That crazed, unhinged laughter.

He'd never wanted to hear that again.

_No..._

Kamukura doesn't let them pause. Taking the reins a bit more, he enters to examine the scene.

A small group has already arrived, but the immediate notice goes to Komaeda, who lies on the bed, eyes swirling in two pools of despair. Peko and Fuyuhiko are actively holding him down while Tsumiki hovers nearby with medical instruments.

“K-Komaeda-kun! P-please, you're having a r-relapse! You n-need to calm down!”

Mahiru, who stands off to the side with evident worry in her features, notices Hinata's arrival and grips Hiyoko's shoulder, who stands uncharacteristically silent.

“Come, let's let the others handle this. There's nothing we can do right now,” she softly tells the dancer.

“...fine,” Saonji acquiesces, and allows the photographer to gently guide her towards the exit. Just before reaching the door, she spins around and points at the nurse. “Don't you mess this up Mikan, you clutz! Big bro Komaeda promised to squish ants with me this week!”

“Y-yes! I-I'll do my b-best!” Tsumiki jolts, tears cornering her eyes.

Komaeda's ringing laughter suddenly stills, and he moves his head slowly, a wide grin on his face. His bangs are sweat-slicked, and his body has a noticeable tremble. A terrible memory- _despair disease_ \- comes unbidden to mind.

Hinata swallows. _No...please no...he's been doing so well...._

“You still let her talk to you like that, Tsumiki?” Nagito's voice lilts. The entire room tenses. This tone of voice...the condescending sneer...it feels like a life time ago since they'd had to hear it. 

Not long enough. Never long enough.

“Ne, Tsumiki-kun, I bet that moment in the simulation was so satisfying for you,” Komaeda croaks a chuckle, gray eyes pinning her like two whirlpools. “That feeling when you slit her throat must have felt so justified!”

The entire room felt like ice.

“Oi!” Kuzuryuu grips one of the thin wrists tighter. “We gotta shut this bastard up! He's back to his old self again!”

“I-it's not his fault!” Tsumiki protests, despite the torrent of tears leaking down her pale face. She looks sickly, the poison in his words sinking into her skin. “He's c-confused! H-he must have had a n-nightmare that triggered this!”

“I know it's not the idiots fault, but we can't let him keep flapping his lips like this!” Fuyuhiko asserts. “He'll peck at us one by one!”

Komaeda wheezes in amusement, sounding like his lungs are running on liquid. “ _Me_? Able to affect the oh so great Ultimate's like you? How could trash like me have so much power over people like _you_?” 

A taunting realization comes to his face. “Oh that's right! You're all despairs! Remnants of hope who have shattered and fallen oh so far.”

His laughter drops. He snarls; “how _pathetic_.”

“That's it,” Kuzuyruu growls. “Peko, knock him unconscious.”

Tsumiki lets out a shriek as Peko raises her hand. “Eh?! D-don't hurt him!”

Nagito grins, crazed.

“Still playing the loyal tool Pekoyama-kun? How amusing, after Kuzuryuu making such an ordeal of his confession in not wanting to use you, there he goes! Still calling commands. I suppose old habits die hard, ne?”

Peko stops, face hardening. Fuyuhiko seethes. “Never mind, I'm going to knock the bastard out myself!”

Mikan gives another wail just as a fist readies to go flying towards Komaeda.

“Everyone stop.”

Izuru's commanding tone halts the descent. “All of you leave. I'll take care of him.”

They pause, looking doubtful. 

Kuzuryuu looks ready to argue, but stops himself. He makes a reluctant motion of shoving his fists in his pajama pockets. “Tch. Fine. Let's go Pe-”

He stops, throat jerking in a swallow.

“I mean...I think we should go...Peko.”

Peko's face creases in soft concern, but she nods and follows him out.

Tsumiki lingers nervously. “A-are you sure? I can t-try and give him a small dose of tranquilizing i-if need be...”

Kamukura nods. “I am sure.”

“Thanks Tsumiki,” Hinata smiles weakly, eyes unable to leave Komaeda's now slowly rising form. 

Mikan looks about to stutter out another sentence, but retreats instead and quietly shuts the door behind her.

Komaeda pulls his legs over, sitting at the side of the bed. The mess of his eyes pierce the only lingering soul. His wide grin pulls to one side, a crooked smile of straight teeth. “If it isn't the walking irony itself! The boy who hates boredom, and the boy who was _so_ boring himself, he decided to throw himself into the hands of scientists to fix him! All in one body.”

Hinata internally cringes. If he could, he'd back away. He momentarily turns his head and close his eyes to pretend this Komaeda isn't here. Isn't real. He conjures a picture of the beautiful Komaeda basked in a sunset glow and playing with dolphins. An ache of longing sits in his chest and breathes lead into his lungs.

Kamukura cracks the illusion, forcing him into the present, leaving Hajime with a mental whiplash. A flash of anger surges towards him, and Hinata frowns, confused.

_Why are you suddenly so mad at me? You think this is my fault or something?_

**Do not look away from him**. Izuru's words crackle like an electric storm forging in their head. Hinata flinches, feeling nails cut crescents into their palms.

**He needs us right now. Turning away from him at his darkest moments is only accepting half of him.**

_It's just..._

Hajime falters. _...it reminds me-_

Kamukura's voice remains stern, but his tone quiets. **I know. I apologize for the discomfort. But-**

“Hm?” Komaeda hums, interrupting the mental tirade. “Ah, am I too lowly a human being for the Ultimate talented genius such as yourself, Kamukura-kun?” 

The luckster pulls himself to his feet, and approaches. Hinata braces himself with Izuru's sturdy stance. He's expecting the words to come; readying himself for the slander against his average, boring, unremarkable self. Preparation for the onslaught of hope-worship. He can face this Komaeda better this time. He's not under the pressure of an oncoming trial, or the grief of a lost friend.

This time, he's going to see this through. This time, he's sure there's another Komaeda just on the other side of all this trauma.

This time; he's ready.

“You're still as beautiful as the first time I saw you, Kamukura-kun.”

But those words catch him completely off guard.

Hinata reels. _Huh?!_

Komaeda saunters closer, hand absently moving to thread through the brown tresses messily set upon their head. “That abundance of talent and hope. I can still see it shining in you,” he says wistfully. “It's a shame you let _Her_ manipulate you. You, who could have been the Ultimate Hope.”

His fingers give an absent flick to the longest hair spike, watching it spring absently. “Could have been more brilliant than perhaps even Makoto Naegi,” Nagito's eyes gleam.

He turns away then, giving an exaggerated and flippant shrug. A sigh leaves his lips. “It's a shame though, that you showed up when you did. Had you not, I would have been able to kill Enoshima before she could even make her first move.”

_What...what's he talking about?!_

**"…"**

Nagito's expression turns sad. “I even had Peko stalling her sister. But you turned my own gun on me. And soon after that, Chiaki was killed.”

_Wait, you shot him? When...I don't understand...and Chiaki?_

“Just think, had I arrived earlier, I would have been able to do it. Someone like me able to save the world.” Komaeda pivots on his heel, grabbing his face and laughs. “But that plane crash sure delayed me! Ah, but I sure am unlucky, huh?”

As the luckster laughs once more, Hinata blinks vertigo from his vision. He continuously swallows the urge to vomit. 

“I...I don't know what you're talking about,” he tries through a mouth of cotton, “but Komaeda...you need to lay down and rest. You're not well right now...this will pass...I just need you to-”

“You don't know?” Nagito's expression turns quizzical. His brows furrow. “That's not like you to pretend, Kamukura-kun...”

His face brightens again as he snaps his fingers, the rapid emotional change throwing Hinata like a roller-coaster. “Oh! That's right; Hinata-kun! I must be talking to you right now!” His smile stretches. 

Hajime winces. _So he can't tell us apart as well as usual..._

Another cramp clenches his stomach. Knowing that...that hurt...for some reason...

“I see. So Kamukura-kun didn't share those memories with you?” Komaeda continues, face cheeky. “Keeping secrets, hm? Isn't that a bit _boring_ for you, Izuru-kun? You were usually so straightforward!” He titters, before his hands swing in a clasp behind his back and he slinks closer. His lashes dip, coquettish, as his purr rumbles softly. “Unless perhaps you're only so straightforward when I'm wearing a chain and collar~?”

_...WHAT?! Izuru what's he-_

**. . .**

“Still won't come out to play, hm? Towa City was full of so much fun, too!” Komaeda leans back, cocking his head to the left once more. “Oh well I suppose- _hng_!” He clutches his head.

Hinata alerts and steps forward, doing his best to focus with a matrix of unknowns swirling in his thoughts. “Komaeda, settle down! You're going to hurt yourself!” He quickly ushers him to sit down on the bed, grabbing a water bottle placed on the dresser ( _thanks Tsumiki_ ), and pushing it into a pale, quivering palm.

“ _Ergh_ , th-thanks, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda takes a slow sip, fingers fumbling with the cap, while Hajime feels his jaw muscles loosen in slightest.

_Good. He called my name..._

In the following silence, with Nagito taking long pauses, sips, and empty stares, Hinata runs an uneasy hand through his hair, mussing it even more from his early wakening. He feels skittish to the bones, and Izuru is still silent and he has no idea what to think or feel about his counterpart right now. He's always known they were two different people, meshed into one body; but he assumed they overlapped in several ways. While he knows Kamukura's mental control is impressive, to learn there's been memories sealed from him...

_I already know about the blood. The destruction. The student council leaders. My part in this worlds end..._

Hinata closes his eyes. _I've seen us at our worse. Why would you hide something else from me?_

**Another time.**

Hajime startles.

**I will explain myself at a later time. For now, it would be best if we get Nagito and ourselves some more rest. This relapse is a symptom of his PTSD, and will no doubt leave him very drained come morning. It is a lot of stress on ones mind. He may show scattered behavioral patterns in the oncoming week similar to what we saw tonight. It will be vital for us to care for him cautiously.**

Multicolored eyes watch Komaeda's lids slow their decent with each blink. He rubs a fist into one eye, leaving a stray lash on the apple of his cheek, and pushes back his damp bangs. His sudden silence after such chaos is both relieving and unsettling, like running through a tornado and reaching the eye of the storm.

Hinata exhales, long and hard. _Alright. But no getting out of it. You_ will _do some explaining._

**Certainly.**

Another sigh. “Okay then. Now, as for you,” Hinata shakes his head at Komaeda, who's face has gone ghostly blank, with vacant sage eyes tilting up to stare at the brunette. In a lighthearted motion after a heavy-handed hour, he gently tucks a stray silver lock behind the curl of an ear. “So much trouble,” he chides, lips slanting up lightly.

Nagito's eyes seem to dull. Hinata shakes his head again, and crosses his arms. “It's a good thing you're so worth it.”

He watches closely as sea salt green lightens to lunar gray, a light sheen covering their surface before pale eyelids curtain-close into unconsciousness. 

The storm has passed.

 

 

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was by far the hardest chapter to write so far X_X I hope those of you who have enjoyed this story this far still like it. Next chapter will go back to some softer tones most likely. And again, if something is a little different than canon, it's most likely on purpose. While this is following canon- game/anime, I have made some small changes to better fit the story line.
> 
> Anyways so yeah! Izuru has kept some things from Hinata, and Komaeda is having a rough morning, poor baby. :( 
> 
> Title from Don't You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared.


	6. give me words to say to make it enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata resists the strange urge to leap forward. He uses controlled movements to place his book down and stand, stepping closer till his knees edge the bed. His tongue is coated in words he wants to say, but he clears his throat to rid of them.
> 
> “Hey,” he starts, almost a whisper. “How are you feeling?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song Telepathic by Starset.
> 
> Sorry for the delay guys! Life, I tell ya guys, it's crazy O_O
> 
> But! I have another chapter for you here, which I hope is okay since it only took like...two months to write...yeah that's all =.='' I'm still not even sure I like it, but I've got to get this posted or I'll lose all momentum! Either way, thanks for reading and hope you enjoy ^.^/

Nagito shifts once again, hardly hiding a wince.

For the eighth time.

Hinata frowns from his perch on a chair near the bed. The book in his hand doesn't distract him from noticing that Komaeda seems to be in physical pain, and he's not sure why.

The week has gone by slowly. Four days and counting since the late-night, early-morning episode that has left them all with a hollow chest; an echo of all their pain bouncing rib cages in a tandem. The scene of Komaeda relapsing has left their freshly stitched wounds a little torn again.

While they all carried themselves with a slight haunt, waiting for Nagito to get better and carefully reconstructing the atmosphere of their paradise, the patient in question has been mostly catatonic. The first day having been the most bearing, as he flipped from quiet to crazed like television channels. He'd refused food, fighting tooth and nail to keep any substances from his mouth, and what little achieved in getting through was eventually rejected from his body later that night.

Slowly, his episodic outbursts faded, and while Hinata appreciated the relief from verbal sparring with that quick, silver tongue, he felt little at ease with Komaeda's suspended mind set. 

Gray eyes staring straight forward, no flickering light or wavering voice bringing his attention away from the empty space of whatever world held him in his head. He looked too similar to his comatose state, only his eyes were open and blank as a sheet.

Hajime ached with worry, his cheek fully chewed from skin.

It's now at this day that some light seems to have leaked back into those eyes. Nagito's hand is twitching every few minutes, and his brows are settled a little lower than his bangs. Periodically, he'll swallow to coat his dry throat, until finally, his eyes begin moving; a leisure trace of the cottage ceiling above.

Hinata resists the strange urge to leap forward. He uses controlled movements to place his book down and stand, stepping closer till his knees edge the bed. His tongue is coated in words he wants to say, but he clears his throat to rid of them.

“Hey,” he starts, almost a whisper. “How are you feeling?”

Komaeda's gaze remains stubbornly transfixed on whatever pattern he's tracing. Hajime frowns, discouraged. _Perhaps he's still out of it?_ He scratches his head, moving to the bedside table to idly refill the water glass from the pitcher. The light jingle of the ice against the glass rings throughout the room.

Another moment passes when Izuru startles his counterpart by jolting spine straight and slamming the water down. A light droplet splashes on their wrist. He turns to pin a stare at the bedded luckster, red gaze flashing. “You're in pain. Aren't you?”

Nagito's eyes slowly drift sideways, eerily creeping along the ceiling till they settle against the crimson stare. His lips curl, a pursed smile. “Not really.”

Izuru leans closer. “That is not what I asked. You _feel_ in pain. Don't you? Whether it is really there or not.”

Confused, Hinata frowns, trying to make sense of the conversation. _Huh?_

“Ah, I suppose you would catch on eventually,” Komaeda's eyes sparkle with a secret. “Silly of me to hide it I guess.”

“What's wrong?” Hinata finally interjects, hating being left behind. “Why is he in pain?”

Izuru internally crosses his arms. “Phantom pain. His body is behaving as though the wounds he sustained within the simulation were real. It's similar to when one receives an amputation yet can still feel the missing limb,” he explains, face troubled.

Their brow furrows deeper from Hajime. “Wait, so he...the way he died...he's feeling that? Right now?” Horror starts to seep in, as images of a sprawled and cold corpse caught in his mind. Nausea curling in the corners of his stomach, Hinata closes his eyes and shakes away the image.

“Yes.”

“What the-,” Hinata reels on Komaeda, scolding. “Why didn't you say anything?!”

When the other goes to respond, the brunette shakes his answer away before a syllable slips by. “Wait, no, I don't want to know. Because whatever your reason is, it's not good enough. When you're in pain. Tell me. That's it. That's all there is to it.”

Nagito's mouth closes over the words he wants to say, remaining silent through the continued admonishing. His eyes sparkle ardently, observing the familiar way one brow is just the slightest bit higher than the other when Hajime frowns; or how he begins breathing through his mouth too much in huffs that he has to take a moment to inhale through his nose at the end of a long sentence.

“And you also....should also...” Hinata's rant staggers to a stop, slipping between the different shades of storm that stare at him in amused affection. The ardor in those eyes pumps his blood at an accelerated pace.

Hajime feels himself wanting to duck away. 

But such musings are forcefully halted by the bone rattling pain of a spear that isn't there.

“Hnng!” Komaeda clenches up, his next breath wet and shaky like he contains liquid lungs.

“Komaeda! Izuru, what can we do?!”

**...nothing, I'm afraid.**

Hinata jolts. _What?! What do you mean nothing?! There has to be something!_

Izuru shifts, his emotions swirling, upset. **In most cases, medication is all there is to help, but in this case...it's a waiting game.**

“A waiting game...” Hajime breathes, unsettled. He watches another bolt of pain pull at Komaeda's core, one in which he fails to stifle a scream, feeling his chest twist wildly. “That's...this is...”

 _It's too cruel_ , he doesn't say. 

“Tsss, haha, ah, it does- _hng_ \- hurt quite a bit but...” Komaeda, the idiot, smiles brightly at them through two rows of clinched teeth. “But it's, _ah_ , nothing I c-can't handle. Besides it's- _erg_ \- it was self inflicted anyways! Remember? It was all my own doing so it's not like-”

“ _Why_?!” he doesn't mean for it to croak out so loud, but the desperation leaking in his veins vomits from his tongue in a single word. “Why did you do it? Why did you do it so...so _brutally_?” Izuru grunts a mental nudge, but it's lost in the swirl of Hinata's anger and need to get answers. To _understand_.

Nagito's cinched smile simmers down into a bittersweet simper. “You mean you didn't figure it out? Ah, I suppose I just figured Izuru-kun had realized it and told you.”

Annoyance bubbling further, Hajime crosses his arms. “Yeah, funny. He seems to be in the habit of not telling me things.”

The grumble is met with a well concealed grimace from Izuru, one in which Hinata admittedly enjoys. _Good, he should feel guilty!_

Pushing his petty victory aside for the moment, he returns his attention to the luckster, ready to push the subject when he notices the flair of affliction that has expanded in those eyes.

Komaeda's gaze has gone back to the ceiling, and for a moment Hajime fears he's begun disassociating again.

Until; “payment,” his smile slides cheerlessly, “my death was in payment for the lost rays of hope.” His head tilts on his pillow, turning away from the polychrome surveillance of his watcher. “If you remember, in the Funhouse, I told you of the file I was given and how each victim of the Highschool of Mutual Killing died...”

Hinata's mouth is suddenly dry. “Don't tell me...”

“Sayaka Maizono, stabbed in the stomach.”

“No...”

“Chihiro Fujisaki, his body was tied in a crucifix position after being killed.”

“Stop it!”

“Sakura Ogami, killed herself using poison...”

He launches himself on the other, uncaring of his weight or the position he lands, just so long as his palms find purchase on that moon-shade jawline. Forcing those swirling eyes on his, Hinata presses his forehead against Komaeda's.

“ _No_! You do _not_ get to blame yourself for their deaths! I _won't let you_!”

A mad laugh responds, gray whirlpools growing wet. “Blame _myself_? I'm not that selfless, Hinata-kun. I blamed _all_ of us, remember? I tried to rid the entire _world_ of us. Of _despairs_!”

Hajime snarls, his grip tightening, pressing even further as if melding their skulls could sooth the conflict. “It was _Her_. All of it was her! Yes, we all did horrible stuff, but we need to forgive ourselves, forgive each other, and keep moving forward!”

“So naive!” Komaeda shrieks. “What goes around comes around, Hinata-kun! That's how the world works! It's how _everything_ works!”

“Then who are you to bear the pain of deaths we _all_ helped cause?!” the other argues. Hinata's eyes squeeze shut, curling his body over Komaeda and forcing his all into the words. “If you want retribution so badly, if you _really_ think we all deserve to pay, then give me some of the pain you're feeling!”

Nagito jerks, stunned. “What...”

“I'll take a stupid spear to the stomach!” the brunette continues shouting. “Hell, I'll take the knife through the hand too! Just stop trying to do everything yourself! Tell me what you're thinking and feeling! You're not alone anymore, damn it!”

“H-Hina...ta-kun.”

“Just...just...” his voice growing hoarse from overuse, Hinata's position falters till his arms are crossed along Komaeda's chest, his head falling to nest in his own limbs.

No one knows for how long they stay like that, Komaeda too stunned to speak or make sound, Hinata fatigued, hunched from burdening too many feelings, and Izuru caught between quiet contemplation.

Hajime's eyes fly open upon a touch. Cold fingers coil at the nape of his neck, glide up to the back of his ear, and drift to cup emotion-colored cheeks. A thumb cautiously slides against the heated and slight damp skin, before skimming back with a light scrape of nails to the scalp.

The soothing motion sweeps away the last of Hinata's energy, and in a full slump, he falls sideways and asleep.

Half on top of Komaeda's body and still in daytime clothes, Izuru remains still despite the discomfort, feeling Hinata wash deeper into unconsciousness like a tingle at the back of his head. He lets his counterpart rest from the emotional-high, and instead opens his eyes to face the other occupant upon pillow.

The fog that once clouded the color of his iris' has lifted. The sage shade is swathed in lethargy instead of lunacy, and Kamukura is grateful for both the passing of another squall, and the opportunity to witness those long lashes flutter so close in fatigue.

Komaeda gives one last conscious exhale, toothpaste still in his breath lingering mint in the nose. 

Izuru shapes the word carefully, mouth moving in silence; rest.

The softest shades of light hit Nagito's face. He smiles, meager but no less magnetic, and does just so.

 

*


	7. we don't have to know if we should

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few days since Kamukura officially revealed the whole of their memories. 
> 
> Hinata hasn't come out since.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In chapter 5, it was revealed Izuru has kept the memories of Towa City, and their participation in real-life Chiaki's death from Hinata. This chapter will be expanding on this. On a side note, I hope you find Izuru's Point of View (used most of the chapter) to be interesting to read~
> 
> Title is inspired by the song High by SIVIK.
> 
> Author's Note: Gahhh, life is so hectic! Holidays may even make it more so. Anyways, this is my Christmas Gift to anyone who's read/reading this, Kudos'd me, or commented. And of course, all followers and bookmarker etc. To anyone who's supported me, no matter how minuscule. I appreciate it so much. I hope this chapter satisfies you guys. I'm thinking the next chapter will be the end, and I hope you've all enjoyed the journey so far. I know it's not perfect, so thank you.
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone!

Doubt.

Since his allegorical rebirth and full joining with Hinata, Izuru has experienced more emotions than he thought were worth. And while he still finds many emotions to be a waste of time, he's also come to appreciate the illogical side of them. How they lead to such unexpected things. He tries to organize them to learn further.

**Doubt; a feeling of uncertainty.**

But doubt, he's finding, is not an emotion he enjoys.

It's been a few days since Kamukura officially revealed the whole of their memories. 

Hinata hasn't come out since.

He's tucked away, hiding in the very back of their subconscious. For the first time ever, he's unable to register what the other is thinking or feeling, and he's beginning to doubt he should have ever shared those memories. Memories of their participation in Chiaki's death, in Towa City. In just watching the world around him burn, his friend begging for life, children controlled and children corrupt and children murdering...

And those night visits he'd make, spent tucked away in a cot pushed in a corner of a closet sized room. His hand wrapping around that chain and pulling the laughing maniac closer, rising into ecstasy with the sight of swirling eyes below him and a mitten caressing his face or a tongue worshiping his-

**Self-disgust; profound revulsion at one's own character or actions.**

Shivering away from the recollection, Izuru bites the inside of his cheek, crossing his arms as he leans against the wall of the cafeteria. He considers trying to coax out his counterpart again, but finds himself in a rather grumpy state as he prepares for the onslaught of social activities he'll no doubt have to face while pretending that Hajime is still present and not pouting in the recesses of their mind.

Izuru _tsks_. He's gotten to be quite annoyed with the act, and just wants the brunette to come back and take his rightful place again to save him the bother. The reason he's pretended to be the other is to avoid unnecessary dramatics, and knowing him, Hajime would prefer his friends not to worry. Then again, human behavior has also shown that upon absence or distress, they _like_ being doted upon and worried over...

**Tch.**

Tugging lightly at his sleeve, the now officially irked Kamukura carefully restrains himself from any telling movement.

**Irritation; the state of feeling annoyed, impatient, or angry.**

Yes, emotions themselves truly are agitating. 

“Ah, Izuru-kun.”

Red and olive drift towards the call, halting upon the approaching Komaeda.

A warmth fills his chest. What to describe this one as?

**Fond; having an affection or liking for.**

As Komaeda stops in front of him, offering a small tilt of lips, Kamukura gets the sudden urge to touch him. To find the soft parts of him, whether its his lips, hair, or thighs, and he notes that perhaps the emotion fond by definition, does not cover everything he's feeling. 

**Desire; to wish or long for; crave; want.**

“Good afternoon, by the way. Are you waiting for someone?” Komaeda tilts his head, regarding him plainly. Izuru's gaze has yet to waver from him.

“No,” he replies, about to toss a lock of hair over his shoulder, only to remember the cropped length and smoothly detour his hand to rest comfortably elsewhere. Without a hitch, he carries on. “I'm simply pondering, that is all.”

“I see,” taking a glance to a few of the other island inhabitants nearby, Nagito offers a subtle gesture towards the door. “Would you perhaps accompany me for a walk to the beach? I was thinking of finding some shade and watching the ocean.”

Kamukura raises a brow. “Do you not prefer to do that at night?”

For a moment, Komaeda looks startled, before his face neutralizes once more. “Oh yes, I did tell you of that habit of mine, didn't I.” Shaking his head, he smiles lightly. “I'm surprised you remembered such a small detail about someone lik-” a pause, “about me.”

**Proud; feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one's achievements, qualities, or possessions.**

Izuru smiles, and he notices that the motion is followed by a gray gaze. “I remember everything about you.” And the words come easy, as they're infinitely true, yet he realizes that it's perhaps a bold thing to say.

The shine and sheer astonishment in those eyes makes the words sincerely worth it.

“Now, let us take that walk, shall we?”

__

The silence is companionable in the shade of the palm tree. With the sea waves washing white noise over the atmosphere, Izuru's gaze drifts about; to the white caps, to the two silhouettes a ways off collecting crabs and clams when the tide rolls back, to the fruits starting to blossom upon the leafy boughs above him.

As per usual, his eyes eventually find their way to Komaeda, who's frame is leaned against the tree trunk. Through the waft of sea salt on the breeze, Kamukura catches the scent of his shampoo, and concludes the albino must have had a running session with Akane this morning. He must have sought him out just after having a shower. 

**As long as he did not start again too soon** he decides. He'll be sure to check with the gymnastic and manager on the exercise toll to Komaeda to be sure they did not push him too far or too fast. 

**Worry; give way to anxiety or unease; to allow one's mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.**

Yet another troublesome emotion. Such fierce protectiveness has been overwhelming him as of late, Izuru observes. It's a strange mix of other emotions, some bordering possessive and others so affectionate, the warmth startles him. It would be so easy to just cut the emotion off...

Such an easy task it'd be...a clean break...to sever these feelings weighing him down...

Izuru knows he can do it...but..does he want to?

The weight of the gaze on him becomes heavier. He brings his attention fully in front of him, and for once, feels what it's like to be so thoroughly observed and beheld. With the shoe on the other foot, the talent genius takes in the feeling strangely. The intelligence shining back in the light of sage unsettles him, and he realizes what this conversation may be about before it begins.

“Which of us did you want to talk to?” Izuru begins, testing the waters. He lightens the tone of his voice, just as Hinata is. He fixes his posture to be just that of the brunette's. He perfects his impression of his counterpart to the subtlest design.

Komaeda smiles thinly.

**Surely not?**

“I was wondering how long Hinata's been dormant, Izuru-kun.”

**Hm..**

“...how long have you known?”

“Two days ago. I couldn't be sure though. As usual, your performance was perfect. I only truly realized it through observation. And of course, a bit of luck.”

**So it is true...I have been found out.**

Ah, now what was this he was feeling?

**Vulnerable? No. Exposed? Wrong again. Susceptible?**

**Ah yes. Susceptible; likely or liable to be harmed or influenced by a particular thing.**

This is unsettling, he admits, as he realizes this person...he has given them power over him. Through his emotions towards them, he has made himself susceptible to others, more harmful ones. **This is dangerous. This is illogical.**

**This is...**

**_thrilling._ **

“Uh...I-izuru-kun?”

Oh, he's moved on his own. This is what they mean when performing an action subconsciously. Intriguing. However, he doesn't regret the action, no matter how partial he was there during such a train of thought. He's moved closer, close enough to feel the flutter of breath over his cheek at Komaeda's exhales. The luckster's back is pressed against the tree trunk, with Kamukura closing in like a magnet.

His hand caresses up along a soft jawline, and he relishes the way those long lashes flutter in surprise. 

“Izuru-kun! Don't! There's- the others might see!”

 **Let them** , he almost growls, but the surge that came with the words and the distraction of wide stormy gems keep him quiet. His lips take aim, the light, nonexistent resistance of two hands resting at his shoulders slows him none.

“But...Towa City...” Nagito continues., shaking his head “It was a mistake, I'm certain. You must be so disgusted to have- and Hinata probably too. To have had to remember such a thing- It's no wonder he's refused to come out.”

“I _am_ disgusted with those memories,” Izuru frowns. “I'm disgusted in my approach. How barbaric I behaved.” Body flush to the other, he presses close and allows his lips to hover over the trembling of a pale pair. His voice softens to a whisper he hopes isn't carried 'way by the wind. “I want to do it right this time.”

A moment; and he claims them, just getting a taste when-

-he feels himself sucked inside his own body.

He experiences the kiss, but not fully, can only feel it play out, see it heat up through second hand. But how-

The kiss ends, and his lips smile without his control. The back of their head-space is no longer occupied, cluttered with a buried mind. He realizes-

**_Hajime!_ **

**Rage; violent, uncontrollable anger.**

Two lips part, both drunk off the euphoria of the feeling with faces flushed and lidded.

Hinata smiles. “It was my turn, Izuru.”

Komaeda blinks in surprise. “H-hinata-kun? I thought you were-”

“I was,” he says, eyes closed as he glides his nose along Nagito's. His mouth couldn't stop grinning if he tried. “But Izuru doesn't get to have all the fun.” The brunette embraces his friend, soaking in the contact like a life line. 

“Hinata-kun...are you alright? What Izuru-kun told you...of Nanami and Towa City-”

“Shh,” Hinata soothes. His arms tighten. “I had...a lot to think about. And many, so many regrets. And I was angry. Angry that it happened, that it was kept from me...but I know Izuru was just trying to protect me.”

Leaning back, Hajime stays close. His hands cradle Komaeda's face. 

_He's cute confused._

**Tsk!**

“I had time to think on things. And I know I can't change it. This will be more for me, for us, to overcome. I just needed time to realize a few things, and...remember Chiaki's words.”

Hinata brings their foreheads together, finding he's becoming very fond of the position. “And Izuru wanted to kiss you so bad, but after keeping memories from me, I deserved to kiss you first.” The following smirk is Cheshire'ly.

**_Enough._ **

Jerking to the forefront of their mind, Izuru leaps onto the startled lips he'd been after. Komeada's slid a few inches up the tree from the force of it, his right leg finding purchase around his enforcer's hip. He makes a sound of pleased astonishment, and his feet don't reach the sand until they've both run out of breath.

Clothes askew and face pink, Komaeda rests heavily on the trunk, wondering how his day, how his meaningless, luck-filled life has come to this. To feel this way, surely something bad will happen soon. He feels so...

Pulling through the haze those kisses left him in, he notices the boys before him, inhabiting one body, to be arguing. What a predicament. What a silly display. What soft atmosphere. Surely it's untrue. It's too good to be true for him.

But he still feels it. So _loved_.

And he laughs. Tears are in his eyes but he laughs, and he can feel the attention of the two pull towards him.

“Nagito?” they both say in one voice.

He's so lucky. Will this last though?

Ah, perhaps he'll worry about it at a later time.

Baring his neck, Komaeda inclines against the tree fully. He exhales blissfully. “Kiss me more.”

The request is eagerly complied.

 

 

*


	8. we got that love, the crazy kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I figured you'd run off for a bit sometime tonight.”
> 
> Shoulders giving a casual shrug, Komaeda drops his hands in his coat pockets and turns, smiling. “It seems I've become rather predictable then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhh. So so many things kept me from posting this last chapter. But alas, it is finally here! Thank you so much to those who have shown love and support to this story. It means so much <3
> 
> I picture this chapter to be set a few months after the last one. Imagine it as you like though.
> 
> Title is lyrics from Him & I by Halsey Ft. G Eazy.
> 
> Enjoy, and prepare for fluff!

-

They find him in front of the setting sky.

Fluffy hair catching wind currents, billowing coat and lithe figure shadowed against the pastel horizon. The breeze carries the faint screeches of their loud island compatriots, excited yells, and flamboyant exclamations as a small party remains active half a mile away down the coast. The bass of Ibuki's music blaring can only just be heard above the wave caps hitting shore, a backround thudding to another wayward seagull cry.

Some whistles and cracks are telling to the start of ground fireworks.

Hinata stops a few feet behind him.

“I figured you'd run off for a bit sometime tonight.”

Shoulders giving a casual shrug, Komaeda drops his hands in his coat pockets and turns, smiling. “It seems I've become rather predictable then.”

Taking a few more paces forward, Izuru grazes their shoulders and stays close. “Highly improbable that you ever become someone I can say is predictable,” he clicks his tongue, jutting his chin into the sweet draft of cool air and taking a breath. “However,” he continues. “I've come to find there is a sort of....comfort in predictability at times. Familiarity is...not so bad.”

Nagito chuckles, lashes dropping in a languid motion his lover(s) have come to recognize as a motion before movement. They aren't left disappointed, as two arms lift to rest casually over their shoulders, body now facing theirs. Elbows straight, pale hands hang lazily behind their neck. “Not so bad?” he teases. “I'd have hoped for better than that, but I suppose I'll have to settle.”

Falling into the motion, Hinata gives his nose a nudge with their own. “You? Settle for something? You sure you don't need to make an elaborate scheme or manipulate the universe through luck alone to change it to your liking?”

Komaeda smirks, and damn if it isn't attractive, they think. Izuru nips at an angular jaw, and his head tilts to accommodate him. Another crackle and bout of laughter echos to their ears, but the moment remains soft.

Before their lips meet, Komaeda pulls back an inch, tantalizingly brushing against theirs as he speaks. “Weren't you going to help set off the fireworks to assure Souda or Nekomaru don't blow something up?”

Izuru grunts impatiently, hands moving to better-but-still-bony-hips. “They can wait a bit longer.”

Nagito hums his agreement and closes his eyes-

_Boom._

They tense, hearing more yelling from behind them.

Hinata groans. “ _Seriously_?”

Parting once more, the luckster looks torn between annoyance and amusement. “I think that's your queue.”

Shaking their head, Hinata makes to lean in again. One quick kiss and then they can go-

_Sploosh._

A wave from the ocean crashes down on them.

Soaked, chilled, and completely still, two pairs of eyes rapidly blink at one another. Komaeda's eyes are wide, and in a slow trickle, can be seen filling with water.

_Panic rises. He'll think it's his fault. Not again. His luck. His doubts, his fear of our safety. We have to-_

“ _Pfftt_!”

Nagito bursts into laughter.

Izuru and Hinata jolt, as his arms curl around his gut, his guffawing clear across the water and raspy in all the right ways. 

“I- your- oh my gosh!” he laughs, tears still clinging to the brim of his eyes. And instead of any despair or madness swirling in them like typhoons, they shown and glimmered more green than they'd ever seen them.

Still tripping verbally over stray giggles, Komaeda pushes his hair out of his face, water dripping off the ends and sliding down the curves of his collar bones. “Still going for that kiss? Who knows what might happen next!”

Snorts and snickers smothered by a pale hand, Izuru and Hinata slowly snap out of their admiring and move as one, peeling away the hand that covers the lips they aim to claim. Now wet and chilly to the breeze, tongue delving into the warm cavern of their lovers mouth feels twice as refreshing.

Another explosion, this one actually in the air, shudders across the sky, but they still any possibility of his head turning away, determined to have this.

When fully drunk on satisfaction, they pull back. “Who knows what might happen next, indeed.” Izuru smiles. “Invigorating, is it not?”

Hinata caresses the corner of the lips they kissed with his thumb. “As long as we're together, right?”

Komaeda blinks, then smiles. And the nod that follows is heartwarming in its proof of how far he's come. How far they've _all_ come.

Nagito takes the hand at his cheek into his own. “Hinata. Izuru.”

They give the hand a squeeze, beckoning him to continue.

His free hand reaches for them and-

Pulls something green and slimy from their hair.

Komaeda's grin is coltish. “You have kelp on your head.”

“...”

No tidal wave saves him from being tackled into the sand and thoroughly attacked in playful affection.

 

 

He doesn't seem to mind.

-


End file.
